


Family Matters

by Mareel



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Canada, Cousins, Destroy Ending, Empathy, Epistolary, F/M, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Injury Recovery, Kaidan Alenko's Father - Freeform, Letters, Love, M/M, Mass Effect 3, Mass Effect 3: Extended Cut, Memories, Music, Original Character(s), Possible Character Death, Romance, Uncertainty, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-03-29 21:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3911497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareel/pseuds/Mareel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life.</em> – Sophocles</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The News

**Author's Note:**

> This story comprises messages exchanged between Kaidan and his mother, beginning from when he learned that his father was MIA, and continuing after the Reaper War was won ( _Mass Effect 3_ : Extended Cut, _destroy_ ending). The letters will be in separate chapters. 
> 
> This story takes place parallel with the series [Always](http://archiveofourown.org/series/223643) and is in canon with it. The first part is posted in honor of Mother's Day.

 

To: Mrs. Michael Alenko  
Kaleden, BC Canada

From: Kaidan Alenko  
_SSV Normandy SR-2_

Mom, I got your message about Dad being MIA. I wish I were in voice comm range, or even more that I could be there with you. I know nothing is certain, and that must make it even harder for you. 

I can't even imagine how you're feeling and don't know any words to help make it better. All we can do is keep hope alive until we hear any more news. Whatever happened, we both know he was trying to make a difference by his service... as he has done all his life. 

Dad would want to know that you're safe and will stay safe throughout this terrible time. The orchard is probably the best place you could be - please stay there if you can. Avoid the cities anywhere. 

I wish I could tell you the war will be over soon, but I can't do that. But you know if anyone can stop the Reapers, it would be Commander Shepard. He's doing all he can. More than he can, it sometimes seems like when he tries to take everything on himself. As long as he has hope, so do we all. He has a way of inspiring that kind of hope. 

I don't know if it comes across on the news broadcast updates, but Shepard is a man who cares about his crew and our families. A lot. It helped me to talk to him after hearing the news about Dad. He told me there is strength in empathy, and it's not just pretty words, coming from him. 

Thinking about you all alone in this now... it tears me up. Is there anyone who could come to stay with you? Maybe Aunt Lea or... I don't know. Someone. Just think about it. It might be good to be able to share some of what you're going through.

I don't know when I'll be back on Earth, but know that I do think about you... often. When this is all over, maybe we can all get together, as a family. 

If you get any more news about Dad, please let me know somehow. And take good care of yourself, please. I love you. 

Kaidan

__________________________________________________

 


	2. Family Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An update from British Columbia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan received this reply a week or so after his first message to his mother. His Aunt Lea is his father's sister. He and his cousin Isla are close in age.

 

To: Major Kaidan Alenko  
_SSV Normandy SR-2_

From: Elena Alenko  
Kaleden, BC Canada

My dear Kaidan, 

Thank you so much for finding a moment to send me a message. It's almost better in one way than a voice call because I can reread it often. 

There is still no news about your father. I knew when I married Michael that this was always a possibility, but that doesn’t make it any easier to accept. There are some hard days and some better days, but I don't want you to worry about me. Your job is too important for you to be distracted by something you can't do anything about. I'll be fine, little one. Just be sure to give those Reapers an extra kick from me. 

It seems you and your Aunt Lea think alike. She was here with me when your message arrived. I was glad to see her, even though she could only stay for a few days. Her farm is short-handed because of the war and she couldn’t leave the livestock for long in someone else's care. But it was good just to have someone with me who has known grief. Your Uncle Bertie passed when you were too young to really remember him, but his death was not a sudden one. It was still so hard for Lea then, but she... well she got to say goodbye.

Before you start fretting again, I'm not alone. Lea suggested that I invite her daughter to come stay with me for a while. I don't know if you knew, or would remember, that Isla's husband is Alliance and of course he was deployed. They'd been lucky enough to get to be together during his previous postings, so this is her first time alone. And Isla is five months pregnant with their first. As far as we know, Sean is okay right now, and she hears from him regularly. So we're hoping for the best. 

I won't burden you with my fears for your safety. I'll say only that your father and I have been so proud of the career you've made for yourself. Just before he kissed me goodbye at the orchard to report for duty, the last thing he asked of me was to 'tell Kaidan I love him and am so very proud of him.' 

I want to say the same thing... how much I love you and how proud you've always made me, no matter what life has thrown at you. Keep safe, my little one.

With all my love and prayers,  
Your mother, Elena

__________________________________________________

 


	3. I Want to Tell You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are things I need to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place not long before the _Normandy_ returns to Earth to engage the Reapers.

 

To: Elena Alenko  
Kaleden, BC Canada

From: Kaidan Alenko  
_Location Redacted_

Mom, this is it. I doubt that I'll be able to communicate again before this war is over. I'm hoping this will get through to you somehow – it will probably have to be routed indirectly for security reasons. 

I got your message and it's something of a relief to hear that you're not alone there at home. I haven't seen my cousin Isla in many years – maybe not since I joined the Marines – but it seems like you two might be good companionship for each other. And you'll be there to help her with the baby if he or she arrives before Isla's husband gets back to her. I'm sure you wouldn't mind having a little one around to spoil. Please say hello from me, and give her my thanks for being there with you. 

You didn't ask, but I know you probably wanted to know – you're always so concerned about my migraines. Not much change really. I'll always have to deal with them, but I'm used to that. At least the meds they tried when I was in the hospital have helped some. So I'm fine – please don't worry about me, okay?

There is one other thing I want to tell you because... I don't know, in case I don't make it... or maybe in case I do. I've found someone. I'm sure you've probably given up on me long ago in that respect. Maybe I'd given up too, or maybe I'm just choosy... or patient.

This is someone I've cared about for a long time. After I was injured on Mars, I had a lot of time to think about things. My life kind of flashed in front of my eyes then and I knew if I lived, I needed to let him know how I felt. Life is too uncertain. I couldn't bear to lose the chance to spend whatever time remains for us together... being a strength and a refuge for each other. 

The feelings are mutual and I'm so happy about it. This probably sounds wrong... to talk about being happy on the eve of a terrible battle, but that will be what it is. What we've found and share is worth everything to me. When this is all over, I promise you'll get to meet him. 

Take care of yourself, Mom. You and Dad are always in the back of my mind. The lives of family and loved ones are what I'm fighting to protect. 

I love you.  
Kaidan

__________________________________________________

 


	4. Alive!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _When the war is over..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place not long after the _Normandy_ makes it back to Earth. It assumes the ME3 _Destroy_ ending. If Kaidan's mother tried to reply to his last message, he never received it.
> 
> The summary is from the lyrics of [Last Man Standing](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/luciesilvas/lastmanstanding.html) – Lucie Silvas

 

To: Elena Alenko  
Kaleden, BC Canada

From: Kaidan Alenko  
London

Mom, I don't know how fast this will get to you. All personal communications here in London are still on a priority-only basis. Don't tell anyone but I used my Spectre codes to try to let you know I'm home. 

I hope you're safe too, along with the rest of the family. I've thought about you a lot; so glad you were able to get out of Vancouver when you did. Has there been any more news about Dad? Maybe as things settle down, you'll hear something. I hope so. Not knowing is so hard. Do you hope, or grieve... or both.

Did Isla's baby arrive on schedule? I'm hoping both of them are healthy and doing well. Commander Shepard said something in a speech just before the battle for Earth that made me think of her. How did he put it... that we were fighting to ensure a future for ' _Every mother. Every son. Every unborn child._ ' The price was terribly high, but I know that was worth fighting for.

I don't know how much you might have heard about the outcome... beyond that the Reapers are gone. For good. The _Normandy_ was out of touch for some time after the end of the war – we had to limp home slowly without the mass relays. Those were seriously damaged by the energy surge that destroyed the Reapers, but repairs have already begun. 

The only thing that made that long trip bearable for me was that Admiral Hackett had managed to get a message to us. Against all odds – and almost beyond hope – Commander Shepard had been found alive in the wreckage in London. He was in pretty bad shape and his full recovery is still uncertain. But he's nothing if not a fighter... and he never gives up. He'll get through this. I'm sure of it.

He is the reason I can't try to get to the orchard to hug you in person right now. My place is here, by his bedside. Yes, John Shepard is the one I told you about finding... the man I love. 

He's still in a coma after more surgery than you can imagine. The doctors want him to heal more before trying to let him wake. But I need to be with him. I don't know if he even knows that I'm here, but I've promised I'll never leave him and that's a promise I mean to keep. 

I hope you'll understand. It will be a long recovery process for him... probably frustrating at times. He's not used to depending on anyone. I hope he'll let me help... there's no need for him to keep up the 'Commander Shepard' image with me. We're way past that. He trusts me with the man behind that image and that means so much to me. 

Looking ahead, as soon as he's able to travel, we'll make our way from London to Vancouver and then out to the orchard. John grew up in space – I guess everyone in the galaxy knows that about him – and I'm sure he's never seen anything like the Okanagan Valley. I think he'll love it and I'm going to enjoy watching him discover it all. Maybe go boating, hiking... pick some apples. He deserves a taste of a normal life after all these years when the mission was everything.

Beyond that, I don't know. The future will be what it is... whatever we make it. Right now, I'm just grateful John's alive and that I'm here with him. Home.

This is more than I intended to write, but there was so much I needed to say. Please take care of yourself, Mom. 

I love you.  
Kaidan

__________________________________________________

 


	5. Joy and Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the end of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place not long after Kaidan's mother receives his message when the _Normandy_ made it back to Earth. It assumes the ME3 _Destroy_ ending.

 

To: Spectre Major Kaidan Alenko  
London

From: Elena Alenko  
Kaleden, BC Canada

Oh Kaidan! I'm so relieved to hear that you're safe! I've been so worried about you. I'm assuming you probably never got my reply to your last letter.

I hope this one gets to you – I wanted to send a private message rather than an ordinary email. I worried about that being hacked by the tabloids searching for names like _Shepard_. You can thank your father for making me aware of that sort of thing – he used to remind me about it whenever I sent messages to you in your early years on the _Normandy_. So I spoke with the officer in charge of local defense here – he had been a friend of Michael's. And maybe I mentioned your Spectre status to help persuade him to let me send a direct message.

My dearest little one – you're been through so much. I wish I could just see your face and hug you to be sure you're really alive. I'd heard that the _Normandy_ was missing... but no official word that you'd been found or had returned. There were so many conflicting reports and rumors. It was hard to know what to believe. 

People were saying that Commander Shepard had sacrificed himself in that last battle in London. I feared the worst for all of you. It was even hard to rejoice about the end of the war... with so much loss and uncertainty. 

Hearing that he is alive too... and that _you're_ with him... it's so much good news all at once. I had to sit down and try to pull myself together before I could even finish reading your message. I've been trying to be brave for Isla and her daughter, but maybe it was time I let myself cry a little. 

Yes, the baby arrived on schedule. I guess babies don't know or care anything about wars; they live on their own time and come into the world when they're ready. Isla named her Grace Michelle. They'd picked a first name for a girl, but she added Michelle for your father. Isla was close to her Uncle Michael, growing up as she did without her own dad. 

Grace is a beautiful little girl... actually she reminds me so much of you as a baby, with all that dark hair. We don't know about her daddy... I hope she won't have to grow up without ever knowing him. Isla hasn't heard from Sean since the end of the war, but she hasn't received any other notification either. So we still hope. 

I can't even begin to tell you how happy you make me with your talk about you and Shepard – sorry – about you and John. It sounds like he deserves some happiness after all he has done and everything he's been through. And I know _you_ do. That you found that joy together... Kaidan, you've made me cry again. 

Of course, I want to meet him and you're both welcome anytime, for as long as you can stay. Just know that when the two of you do get here to the orchard, he doesn't have to worry about being anyone other than John, the man who loves my son.

Maybe communication will get easier soon. It would be good to hear your voice. My thoughts are with you and with John in his recovery. You're right. Your place is there. Take care of yourself too... I know I don't need to tell you to get enough to eat and get some sleep as you're watching over him. And I hope the headaches aren't bothering you too much. Okay, enough fussing over you, little one. 

Your loving mother, Elena  
 

__________________________________________________

 


	6. A Little Distracted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll be waiting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place a couple weeks after the _Normandy_ returned to Earth after the war (assuming ME3 _Destroy_ ending). 
> 
> It is also just a few days before [Lost and Found](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3515702) (in the [Always](http://archiveofourown.org/series/223643) series).

 

To: Elena Alenko  
Kaleden, BC Canada 

From: Kaidan Alenko  
London

Mom, it's so good to hear from you. I don't care how you managed to get a secure return message to me, and just between us, it means a lot that you wanted to protect Shepard's privacy. I think restrictions on communications are easing up here in London now, as more systems get back toward functional. Maybe we'll be able to talk to each other soon. I'm looking forward to it.

That's great news about Isla's baby girl. Sounds like you're enjoying the chance to be a great-aunt. Sorry – that sounds older than I meant it to sound. I hope you're not offended... but I guess we're all older than we used to be. Maybe that's a good thing. Shepard and I talked once about some things getting better with age. Mostly each other. 

Sorry, Mom. I got distracted. With good reason – John is awake! The docs stopped a lot of the drugs and wanted to let him wake naturally. It didn't take as long as they thought it might... a couple of days. But pretty early on, I started feeling like he was trying to squeeze my hand as I was holding his. He was breathing on his own... such a beautiful sound to listen for, after all the noise of the machines. 

Yesterday, he opened his eyes. When he looked right at me, _I_ might have stopped breathing for a moment. I don't know, maybe he'd been awake before, when I wasn't there, but no one told me anything about it so I think this was the first time. He wasn't just staring blankly around the room. He looked right at my face, recognition in his eyes. There was even a ghost of a smile. I'm sure his mouth was dry as hell, and he didn't try to say anything. But it was enough. 

After all this time. All he's been through... he wakes up and smiles at me. You told me you got emotional reading my last message. I'm not ashamed to tell you, this was a pretty emotional moment for me. So, yeah. I've been a little distracted. 

It will take time... he's got a long road ahead of him. But being able to talk to him, knowing he hears and understands... and just knows that I'm here. That means everything. 

After your message, I was thinking about Isla and Sean. Don't say anything to her, since nothing might come of it, but I made some inquiries. It's not something I could get away with doing often, but I had to try. If I'm abusing my Spectre status, then that's what it is, but there's an Alliance soldier with a newborn child and a spouse who deserves to hear something about him. Of course he's not the only one, but making him a symbol might help other families too. 

So maybe she'll hear something soon. I hope it's good news, but be prepared either way. I did learn where his unit was deployed at the end, and it's a sector that took heavy damage. That might have made search efforts and communications slower than usual. 

Don't worry about me, Mom. I'm fine... more than fine. I'm getting plenty to eat, mostly rations but I'm used to that. But I will say that the coffee in this hospital is the worst ever. A small scouting mission might be in order. I've gotten used to sleeping in the chair by John's bed and don't see that changing any time soon. It's just where I belong right now. 

Take care of yourself, and let me know if you get any news of Dad or about Sean. I'm sure I'll get to talk to you soon... maybe even have a chance to introduce you to John. I'd like that a lot. 

Always love you.  
Kaidan

__________________________________________________

 


	7. Kindness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hugging and crying...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This reply follows within a day or so of Kaidan's mother receiving his latest message.

 

To: Kaidan Alenko  
London

From: Elena Alenko  
Kaleden, BC Canada

Oh, Kaidan! That is the best news – that John is awake and alert, and that he knew you right away. I'm so relieved and _so_ happy for you... for both of you. Thank you for taking a moment to let me know! 

And after all you've been through, you wouldn't be human if it didn't make you emotional. Please give him a hug from me, if you can even get close enough to hug him with all the lines and wires and such. Of course if I know you, that wouldn't stand in you way for long. 

I'm sending this by regular email, now that the system seems to be working properly again for both of us. We can try a voice call soon, I hope. But I do have a reason for wanting to write you again, since there's something I need to tell you. 

My little one, you have the kindest heart. What you did for Isla to try to find out something about Sean is just... I don't even know how to tell you how happy that makes me. I don't think it's possible for a mother to be more proud of the man her little boy grew up to be. 

I know you told me not to say anything to her about it, but I had to tell her. She was having a rough day and needed a little boost of hope. Isla is a soldier's wife... she knows that hope is just what it is, and isn't a promise. But knowing that someone cared enough to try to find out about Sean means so much to her. 

I don't know how fast the cleanup and reconstruction is proceeding in London. From what I hear, it's very slow going in Vancouver and the surrounding areas. Maybe there'll be some progress by the time you and John are able to travel and see it for yourselves. 

I haven't been back there since the day your father dropped me off here at the orchard. I don't think I'm ready for that yet. There's still no more news about Michael. II try not to dwell on what might have happened, and just focus on all the good years we've shared with each other.

I'm sorry, Kaidan. I didn't mean to go off in that direction and don't want you to worry about me. I'm fine, really I am. Thinking about you and John and everything you have to look forward to together, after all the missions and all of the battles... Well, it just makes me smile. I can't wait to meet him. 

I'll close now. Grace is waking from her nap and I'm minding her while her mother is out for a walk. The weather is unusually nice for this time of the year, so I'm glad she's able to get out and enjoy it. Take care of yourself, little one... and take good care of him. 

Your loving mother, Elena

__________________________________________________

 


	8. Another Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone to watch over him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another mother is heard from. Admiral Hannah Shepard is coordinating reconstruction efforts at the Earth colonies and hasn't been back to Earth yet after the end of the war. And she worries about her son.
> 
> So it seemed appropriate to include her letter to Kaidan here.

 

To: Kaidan Alenko  
From: Hannah Shepard

Major Alenko, I heard from Steve Hackett that you were bringing the _Normandy_ back to Earth and would be arriving shortly... maybe by now. I know how slow the FTL travel must have felt to you, with everyone anxious to get back home.

He also told me that John had been found alive and was being treated in a London hospital. I was so relieved to hear that. After hearing what he'd done to stop the Reapers, I was sure I'd lost him... again. No mother should ever have to see a son die twice. 

He suggested that I contact you to learn something more than the standard hospital patient status reports. I don't believe we've ever met, only knowing you by your name and reputation. But I'm sure you're much more than that. Especially to my son. 

Major... may I call you Kaidan? I am so grateful that you're there with John, watching over his recovery. I'm just sorry that I can't be with him too. I sent a message, but have no idea when he'll be able to read it. 

I used to be pretty good at helping him feel better when he'd get a bruise or a scraped knee. But as he grew up, I knew a mother's kiss wouldn't be enough to heal everything that hurt him.

But he has you. No, he never told me that. I'm just piecing things together, as a mother can, from things I hear and all he didn't say. And I'm so thankful that he found someone who loves him. 

I hope to be in touch more often. Just, please, take care of my son. 

Hannah Shepard

__________________________________________________

 


	9. Sun and Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The good times and the hard times...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a few weeks after their last mail exchange. They've been in touch by voice calls in the interim.

 

To: Elena Alenko  
Kaleden, BC Canada 

From: Kaidan Alenko  
London

Hey Mom, it was great to get to talk to you yesterday. John was saying afterward that your calls always make him feel like there's sunshine somewhere, even when it's pouring rain here or when he's not having a great day. 

I love you for helping to cheer him up. It's not easy for him right now, relearning to use his body. His hip was shattered and he's trying to get used to the replacement. He feels like he's missing a lot of flexibility in it, along with leg strength of course. His therapist and I both try to tell him that it will come, to give it a little time and not to try to push it. 

As you might have gathered, his patience with himself is limited sometimes. But he wouldn't be Shepard otherwise, and I'm just happy he's alive to be cranky... if that makes any sense. 

It helps to be out of the hospital though. He's sleeping better in a real bed and without all the interruptions for monitoring. Walking is the best exercise for him right now, so we're exploring London, finding some of the less damaged neighborhoods. And I'm getting to practice my cooking skills. Fresh produce is still hard to find, but a little home-cooked anything is a welcome change from rations and hospital food. And as John likes to remind me, we always have hot sauce. 

Thank you for sharing the pictures of little Grace. Shepard wants to know if that's how I looked when I was her age. I told him I probably had better hair. That coaxed a smile from him. And no, Mom... don't even _think_ about sending him my baby pics. A man needs to have a few secrets. 

After your call, I realized I hadn't asked if there was any news about Dad... I don't want you to think I don't care or have forgotten, you know? Or that I'm trying to avoid talking about him to keep from upsetting you. I know enough about losing someone to realize that sometimes you _do_ need to talk about them. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here... maybe you'll understand.

I'm guessing that Isla hasn't had any word yet about Sean either. I might poke around for some more information on that. It has to be so hard on her, not knowing. 

Speaking of family news, John got a message from his mother. He hadn't said so, but I'm sure he must have been concerned. She was relieved to hear that he was alive and recovering. Admiral Shepard also wrote to me, since she didn't know if he was even conscious yet. I've never met her and John never talked much about his family, though I knew he spoke with her not too long before the end of the war. 

It's funny. She seems to have figured out that we're together. I guess we never tried to keep it a secret, at least among the _Normandy_ crew. The little time we thought we had left was too precious, and you can't hide much on a ship that small anyway. And it certainly would be no secret to anyone who ever saw me camped in his hospital room. Anyway, it sounds like she's glad he has someone here who cares about him. 

Just as a heads-up... we're starting to think about a trip to Vancouver. Watching the sunsets here in London remind me of how much I miss seeing the sun sinking into English Bay. Most beautiful sight in the world. Any world. 

Of course we'll want to spend a few days at the orchard with you. I can't wait for you and John to meet, and I'm looking forward to getting to know that new little cousin of mine. Don't start making up the spare bedroom yet... John still needs to get a little stronger. I'll keep you posted. 

Please take care of yourself, Mom. We'll talk again soon.

With love, Kaidan

__________________________________________________

 


	10. Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gratitude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This short letter is posted in honor of Father's Day. 
> 
> This takes place approximately six months after the end of the war and not too long after Kaidan's last letter to his mother.

 

To: Spectre Kaidan Alenko  
London

From: Isla McInnes  
Kaleden, BC Canada

 

Kaidan, I owe you such a thank you!

Sean called me today! It was wonderful to hear his voice. I'm sure he didn't need to hear me laughing and crying all at once, but I was so overwhelmed and grateful that he's alive and will be coming home to me one day soon. And I got to tell him about our daughter. He was pretty emotional about that... said it was amazing to finally be a father. 

I know it's due to your efforts, whether it was because of your Spectre status or because you're an Alliance war hero from the _Normandy_. Either way, you're a hero to me! Whatever cages you rattled, it got results, and not just for Sean. Four of his squadmates will be making the same kind of calls. Four partners or parents will feel the way I'm feeling today.

I wish your mother would get a call just like this from Uncle Michael. She is so brave, Kaidan. Despite all she is going through, she's always been the one to help _me_ keep hope alive. And she's so happy for me today. I just want her story (and yours) to have a happy ending too, you know?

We might never know all of the reasons for the delay in notifications, but there are apparently remote areas that still don't have reliable comm service restored. I know that the Alliance lost a lot of people and infrastructure. But I'm very sure your query also drew some attention to the issue, at least in that one isolated part of Australia. 

Sean was injured, but is making a good recovery – even if it's slow by his own standards. I'm sure that Commander Shepard and every other injured soldier feels the same way about how long it takes to really feel like themselves again.

Aunt Elena tells me you're planning a trip to Vancouver and will be coming to see us here. I'm looking forward to thanking you in person. Until then, I'm sending a big hug from me, and a baby finger hug from little Grace. That's all she can manage so far, but it's one hell of a strong grip when she wraps her little hand around my finger.

Both of you take care.  
With love, Isla

__________________________________________________

 


	11. So Proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _A time to dance, a time to mourn..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place approximately six months after the end of the war and not too long after Kaidan's last letter to his mother. It was sent the same day as Isla's letter to Kaidan.
> 
> The chapter summary is from "Turn, Turn, Turn" – Pete Seeger, lyrics adapted from Ecclesiastes)

 

To: Kaidan Alenko  
London

From: Elena Alenko  
Kaleden, BC Canada 

My dear Kaidan! We just spoke a few days ago and I was planning to wait until I had more news before I replied to your last message. 

This qualifies as wonderful news! Sean is alive! Isla got a call from him today – she is so relieved and happy. We both cried a few tears and she's been talking to little Grace about her daddy ever since. 

It seems that communications were totally out in the area of the Australian Outback where he's been in a civilian hospital. Sean and a few others of his squad were evacuated after the Reapers attacked Sydney. No idea why that destination was chosen, but maybe the remote location saved their lives. 

Sean was seriously injured, including head trauma, but seems to be making good progress in recovery. He suffered some amnesia, but has regained memory of all but the time and circumstances of the injury. That memory might return, but would it be such a terrible thing not to recall details of that day? I don't know.

He said they are just now getting some kind of comm tower or satellite connection in place. Isla and I are sure that your Spectre enquiry had something to do with this and we're so grateful for what you did. Not only for Sean and Isla, but for the families of the other survivors who might finally hear news of their loved ones.

Kaidan, in your last message you worried that I might think you'd forgotten about your father. That's the last thing I'd ever believe of you. We all deal with grief in our own ways, and I suspect you've had your own encounter with it before. No, you never said that, but after the loss of the _Normandy_ you seemed like someone trying to bear a deep loss alone because there was no one you could share it with. And, well, after you told me about you and John, I understood.

Unfortunately, I've heard nothing more. Grief is so unpredictable, little one. It recedes sometimes, but then some small thing brings it rushing back in full force. You may have felt those waves too, triggered by something as subtle as a scent, a sound, or even a food. 

It does help to talk about Michael and everything we shared in our life together. Isla is a good listener... and she's not self-conscious about mentioning him in casual conversations. You should never hesitate to do that, or just to talk about him. I know your father meant a lot to you. I think the last time he saw you was when they broadcast the Spectre induction ceremony. He was so proud of you. 

I'm very glad that John's mother was able to contact him! She must have been worried sick, not knowing. And he must have been relieved to know she survived as well. It sounds like Alliance admirals don't necessarily have any better channels of communication with Earth than civilians in the Outback have with other parts of the world. 

It's interesting that Admiral Shepard chose to write to you as well as to John. Maybe she was unsure if he'd even be conscious to receive a message. But it sounds like even though she didn't know for sure about her son's relationship with you, she was grateful that you were there to watch over him. I hope you'll get a chance to meet her some day.

Please keep me updated about your travel plans! If you decide to go to Vancouver first, maybe you'll be able to tell me whatever you think I need to know about what's left there. I don't even look at pictures of it on the extranet. I like to think I'm strong, but seeing the destruction for myself might be too much to deal with on my own. If that makes any sense to you. 

I don't know how much longer Isla and Grace will stay. If Sean is well enough to travel, he might request transfer to a hospital or rehab facility closer to home. I know Isla would find a way to be nearby if that happens. I'll be fine, little one. You and John will be here to visit soon enough, and I'll be okay alone now that the worst days are past. 

We made the guest room into a nursery and Isla has been sleeping there to be near the baby. But your old room is always there for you! This will always be your home, and of course John is every bit as welcome - spend as much time here as your other obligations permit. Let it be a refuge when you just need to get away. I'll never beg you to stay longer. You two have your own lives and I'm just happy to share it when I can. 

You made me laugh, little one, with your concern about baby pictures. I promise I won't embarrass you with those. I do display that family portrait that I love so much – the one with Michael in uniform and you on my lap. But I don't think that's the kind of baby pictures that have you worried. Rest easy – your childhood secrets are safe. 

I hope we'll get a chance for another call soon, but I wanted to be sure to tell you the news about Sean right away. And to thank you again for your kind heart, Kaidan.

With all my love, Elena

__________________________________________________

 


	12. Scrapbook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you were very young...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written eight months after the end of the Reaper War, following Kaidan and John's visit to the orchard.  
> My thanks to [potionsmaster](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potionsmaster/profile) for permission to adopt her headcanon for Esquimalt being the Alliance Naval base in Vancouver.

 

Dear Kaidan, 

It seems very quiet here now that you two are back in Vancouver. I enjoyed your visit so much. Maybe the basket of jams I sent home with you will be a reminder of the orchard - I tried to include the preserves that John seemed to like the most, as well as your favorites. I'll be sure to resupply you whenever you like - and of course this season's apple butter will be coming along later this fall. 

I was going through some old things the other day and found something I wanted to share with you. It's a letter your father wrote to me before you were born. Michael wasn't one to write many letters - he always preferred to keep in touch by comm. Maybe that's why I kept this one.

________________________

 

My Elena, 

I hope this finds you well, and the baby too. Damn the Alliance brass who decided that this was the time to send my unit off on training maneuvers. We're in some godforsaken desert, about as far from the humidity of Singapore as it's possible to be. I find that I miss it, despite all my complaints to you about it and the comparisons to Vancouver. 

Or maybe I just miss you. I miss falling asleep next to you and I miss waking up to the sound of your cello when you slip out of bed early because the baby is kicking and you can't sleep. You say it seems to calm him - the music or the vibrations against your belly. I hope you'll still have a few months before it gets too awkward to play. I wonder if our son will have an affinity for music after all of this. 

But you know I don't care if he turns out to be musical, or artistic, or a whiz with maths or anything else, so long as he's healthy and happy. I'm still getting used to knowing for sure that we're having a son! You'd been so sure it would be a girl, with all the girls in your family. We'll have to decide on a name for him soon! I have a few ideas. 

I've given a lot of thought to the idea we talked about before I left on this mission, and I think I've made up my mind. As soon as I'm back to HQ in Singapore, I’m going to apply for a transfer from active duty to reserve status. I'd still have at least two training missions every year and would need to log enough flight hours to keep my certifications, but the rest of the time I could be with my family. 

I've talked about how much I wished my dad had been around more when I was growing up. But there was a war on and he was Alliance to the core. I think maybe I decided back then that I didn't want to do that to my own children if I could help it. 

I think it shouldn't be much of a problem to get assigned to the Alliance Reserve out of Esquimalt in Vancouver. We could live there... maybe you could get an orchestra position, or we could consider keeping a flat there and actually living at the orchard. No need to decide that now... you haven't even seen it yet. I'm just hoping you'll love that place as much as I do. 

It would be a great place to raise a family. I find myself daydreaming about the things I'd like to do with our son – camping and fishing, teaching him to ride a bike or fly a kite... or a plane... stargazing...

Okay, enough dreaming, love. Right now I just want to get back to you. Another two weeks here, and then I'll be back... in time for Christmas! And the winter concert season. 

I worry about you being alone there. Be sure to call your mother if you start getting too tired or feeling sick again. She said she'd be glad to come over to help if you need it. I know – she can drive you nuts – but it would just be till I can get home. 

Take care of yourself, my beautiful Elena, and think of me.

With all my love,  
Michael

________________________

 

It's nothing profound, but I can hear his voice in every word. Maybe you can too... He loved you so much, even before he met you. I just wanted to add his early thoughts of you to your memories of your father. Just in case... 

Take care, little one. And give my love to John as well. It was so wonderful to have the two of you here last week. Hoping to see you again soon.

Your mother, Elena

 

**Author's Note:**

> The first few chapters of this are nearly complete and I'll post them daily if I can. After that, this will be as open-ended as the series [Always](http://archiveofourown.org/series/223643).


End file.
